This is My 3rd Thing #5 I believe, but part 2 of Grieving. After something as devastating as losing your husband can be, on top of that you find out who your friends were as a couple and who were just his friends. The ones that left after the funeral and said, please, call me anytime for anything, and the ones that call or text on a regular basis for the first couple of months and that tapers off too, then the ones that continue to call, text, ask you out, come over, constantly keep you involved, those are your real friends, they are the priceless gems God sent to for life. Cherish them.
My friends tell me that I just have to get through the ‘first year’, the first year is full of firsts, your first everything by yourself. Your first Holidays, your first call to have something repaired, your first trip by yourself, your first anniversary alone, his birthday, so many things that you celebrated together.
There are also different ‘firsts’, like that first moment you wake up in the morning and forget for 3 seconds about reality then get the oh so ‘new’ familiar kick in the stomach feeling. Or the first time you see something that would make you both laugh and for 3 seconds you think about calling him. What do you do when those firsts become seconds and thirds, do you magically feel better the second year?
I am just a little into my 2nd year by myself and so far it isn’t much better than the first year. The first year your friends and family made sure you aren’t by yourself on all of the holidays and special occasions but the second year everyone tends to go their own ways and you are alone for the special things you and your spouse celebrated, so the second year so far has been as difficult as the first. I wish I had the magic solution for making it through the grieving process but the hard cold truth of the matter is that no one does, no one can tell you how to feel, you have to figure this one out on your own, one day at a time.
I just need to breathe…